Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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