Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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