Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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