party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
