Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
either way he was missing a nipple.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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