so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
