I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
