Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
