My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My dick has a subreddit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
