he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
