ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
