Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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