sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
