The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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