If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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