dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
