look no pants
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
