my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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