I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
