Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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