I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
