Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
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