I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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