It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
