she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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