She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize