DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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