Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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