Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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