Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
