even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
