My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
