The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
