can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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