I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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