it was like eating out sand paper
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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