i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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