When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
