i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize