Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
