The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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