did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize