Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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