im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
