Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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