Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
