she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You took a bar mat shot.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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