Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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