im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize