in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Boobs speak an international language.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize