dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
