This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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