Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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