He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
