He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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