So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
