around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
