I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he thought i was a dude.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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