i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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