Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
sarcasm needs its own font
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
