you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
