dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
