If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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