shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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