By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
