Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
