PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
