There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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