my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
