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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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