Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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