One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How's work?
Spinning.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
