I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
