Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
