i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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