i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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