That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
