Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
