Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
